Autumn musings

This sometimes-terrible system of political, financial, rational and irrational forces working on each and every one of us creates physical and intellectual environments that force (or allow) us to mesh with one another in a "society" or a "culture" described by our day-to-day interactions, which, in turn, fuels the progression of ideas, sensations, desires and perceptions that, as a whole, manifest our inner and outer selves; the codes we use to manage our lives are all based in the silent dialogue that constantly takes place between our ears.
The fears that seem to plague most people generally arise from their own misgivings about themselves, their abilities or their choice of actions. In other words, Doubt feeds fear, and fear devours joy, peace, serenity, love and much more.
To find a center within oneself where calm deliberation grips the helm and thoughtfulness is king, one must learn to let go of fear, and that ain't easy. For many, it's nearly impossible.
But fear is the one quality, the one force that must be expelled from one's mind, heart and soul if one is to even hope to achieve success in love, business, school, war or any human endeavor.
I suggest that happiness cannot live with fear. Nor can humor, love, care or genuine selflessness.
So, what to do?

Catching the falling while falling

Back to school. Yikes! In an effort to improve my marketability (sounds like the slave market, eh?) I'm greasing my brain so it's shiny, and rolling a few wrinkles into the gray matter, so I can fold a few new (to me) systems and processes into the mix.
I"m so tired right now. I cannot remember when I last felt this exhausted. And it's only the latter part of the second week of school.
Sheesh. But I'm fascinated with learning and the process that unfolds as one presses forward on the path of education.
I stayed up late cramming for a quiz, and thought I was well-prepared. Then, after going through the usual beginning-of-class murmurs and rumbles, the prof. announced, "Since it's our first quiz, you can use your books so you can see how I do quizzes."
Now that's not a bad thing. It's not a good thing. It's just that all those hours spent prying open my head to pour in data about computer systems suddenly seemed manic and unnecessary.
Nonetheless, I was glad once I'd begun because, of course, there were two questions that had me scratching my noodle and the book definitely came in handy. So, thanks professor.
Mostly I'm frazzled from the bureaucratic bull@$#! I've had to contend with in order to claw my way into classes. No one owes me anything, but if the system were a bit more cooperative, in the truest sense of the word, it might be less nerve-wracking and more conducive to timely engagement with the task at hand, to wit: learning.
But nooooooo. I've got to drive to this office to meet with this person, who tells me I have to fill out these forms and deliver them to that person, who's at another office location. That done, well, here're more forms that are required to kick-start the loan process upon which I hang my hopes and dreams for a better shot at job fulfillment.
It's just hard, is all I'm saying.
So what, some of you are muttering.
Well, here's what: why, when this nation's education system, by broad consensus, is eroding and, compared to many industrialized nations in the world, falling far below standards of excellence, would the politicians and other folks who promote education as a worthwhile endeavor create such a set of macabre, Caligari-like demands on prospective students who, like me, have little financial resources but plenty of competence, drive and, yes, even passion for learning?
tch. Hard to fathom sometimes, the way this wonderful country of ours works.
We all are, somehow, stitched into the fabric of that flag we pledge allegiance to, yet we are too quick to fight one another over petty, inane contentions, in some cases. Or we're so very slow to counter when an imminent crisis that could affect everyone disastrously is glowing red on the horizon.
Beats me.

Another Harry Potter movie – oh Yea!

Well, it's the beginning of the end for the Harry Potter film series as the next-to-last installment opens at 12:01 a.m. Wednesday, 15 July 2009, here in the South Plains.
As I recall, "The Half-Blood Prince" is a gritty, dark and illuminating chapter in the serialized tale – year six at Hogwarts for Harry – and it's a story with a violent finale that shocked and surprised me. Yes, even though I'm 58, I love the Harry Potter books. They're great fantasy novels, written boldly, elegantly and with a strong creative hand. If the film is half as good as the book, it will be a wonderful experience!
And, oh yea, if you haven't figured it yet, I"m just noodling to kill some time. Odd phrase that, "killing time." I think it's always the other way 'round, you know?
I'm at a point in my life where I'm struggling to understand the emotional turmoil that seems my constant companion lately. It's not so much the environment or the people around me or the fact that I'm worried about my future (all unemployed people, I think, must worry about their futures). It's more that I've uncovered a bruised spot on my soul that I was not aware existed. And I'd thought I'd uncovered all those sore, touchy spots before now. But life, as ever, seems to have an endless supply of surprises and curve balls to toss our way. People have a HUGE responsibility on this planet, whether we admit it or not, whether we believe it or not, and no one I know is capable of keeping that in mind ALL THE TIME. It's just too damn BIG to deal with, ya know?
But the clock keeps on ticking, and the world keeps on turning on its axis around the golden ball of helium and hydrogen that holds it in place in the clockwork system this planet inhabits. Wish I could start my own newspaper! I wish I could but wishing and doing are two VERY different things. It would cost millions of dollars to publish a newspaper, even in this small market. And to keep it going for a few years – to that point where it meets budget and exceeds costs – is a daunting proposition. But if I had my wish, that's it. Meantime, I'm thinking about further job training to expand my marketability, since I'm set on staying in Lubbock with Debbi. Maybe truck driving (although my age may prohibit that idea; I don't know); perhaps Web design (though I'd be limited with that option, too, because of Lubbock's labor needs ...; perhaps computer systems design – but age comes into play with that idea as well. It's a 2-year degree program and I don't know how I'd make it through those two years, far as eating, shelter, clothing, auto, etc., goes.
But it's not a totally bleak picture I'm gazing at tonight. I have Debbi in my sight and she's my golden lioness and my happiness, so that's a GOOD THING!
And so it goes. Good luck to all, and to all a good night. :)

Looking for fairness

It's another observation of the ratification of America's Declaration of Independence – July Fourth – and the weekend, like all the July Fourth weekends in years past, will be marked by fireworks displays, barbecue parties, baseball games and family gatherings, and lots and lots of drunk driving. And, like years past, law enforcement officers will be prowling the highways and roads of America, looking to arrest intoxicated drivers and, perhaps, save a few lives in the offing.
For me, the long weekend represents a layer of frustration and stress fueled by my need to communicate with a government bureaucracy whose offices are closed Friday because of the federal holiday.
Great! The already clogged phone lines and snails'-pace e-mail routes to contact with a faceless bureaucrat are entirely shut down. I've got three whole days to stew in my juices. And then, come Monday, I'll have the opportunity to be put on hold on the telephone for an hour or so in order to plead with a person I don't know and, likely, one who will care less about my predicament than a preying mantis cares about the suffering of its dinner (yes, such people do exist). But with any luck, I'll encounter someone who's reasonable, logical and open to a favorable response to my appeal. But if I'm luckless, I'll encounter one those people whose sole purpose is to deny, deny, deny any appeal for help, justice or fairness from the government. The government that my taxes support. I'm trying to keep an iota of hope in my mind. It's all I can do at this point, although I must admit, I really haven't much hope at all.
And that's how it is in America today.
Happy Fourth of July!

Out of control

Well, life continues to rattle and roll through me and my brain, shaking my soul to its core and leaving me gasping for air.
And that's just today.
I was watching "Chinatown" this evening on DISH HD and realized what a masterpiece that film is! It's so beautifully layered with intrigue and character stylings, and magnificent cinematography transports one deeply into the tale.
I also purchased another episode of "The Shield" because it has run its course and the final episodes promise to be classic TV-noir. Vic Mackey is such a despicable character but one still cheers for his redemption, or at least his survival, despite it being an unlikely conclusion. But I haven't seen the final episode yet. I'm teasing my brain with a little delayed gratification and viewing every other episode of the season. So far, so good.
Obama won! Wow, I'm psyched and happy by that fact. I don't know if Obama will be a good (or great) president. I only know that we the people have taken a leap of faith and elected a lightning bolt from the blue who happens to be black.
And I believe Barack Obama has a strong character that's made for the office. We're much more likely to see a brighter America as a result of his election than of any other candidate, far as I'm concerned.
But we shall see, won't we.
Now I pray that he's properly protected from racists and Ku Klux Klan types who'll surely be gunning for him.
The man holds a vision for this nation will elevate us all if it's given nurture and space to breathe.
At least, that's what I believe.

GOP in meltdown mode

I watched Meet the Press and This Week (ABC) and it appears to me that the Republican Party is coming apart at the seams!
GOP leaders appear to be stiff, nervous, sweaty and narrow-minded. GOP equals robotized, lobotomized and phony. Democrats appear energized, revitalized and genuine. Keep your eyes on the GOP leadership, including John McCain, and watch how each of them repeats by rote Party lines instilled by the dark forces that control that sinister bunch. Bush has done more to undermine the GOP than 50 years of Democratic Party rule! It's a shame, though, because the nation has to pay for the blunders of the past eight years and pay in blood, wealth and brain-trust.
I'm disgusted with the mess created by Cheney, Rumsfeld and that crew. It beggars the imagination to conceive the depths to which the shortsighted fumbling of this administration have dragged this country, but it's true, nonetheless. Our station in the world is slipping beneath of wave of contempt and disbelief. Where once we had well-deserved honor, we now have suspicion and cynicism from all quarters. Thanks to the GOP and the Supreme Court!

What is America?

We inside the boundaries of these 50 United States are American. We're not British, not Canadian, not Italian, not Russian.
We're Americans and as such, we have a specific point of view that is rooted in our collective psyche. We don't support killing for the sake of a despot's power, especially the killing of innocent civilians. And we don't support torture in any form, regardless of the arguments that assert torture is necessary in certain instances, e.g. a time-sensitive tragedy about to unfold unless information is obtained that can stop it. Almost every military professional who's weighed in on this subject agrees that torture rarely achieves its goal. At best, the victim of torture will lie to make the pain stop, if only for a short time. No one can point to a factual instance where torture saved the day, and given the number of torture victims throughout history, I think that puts the question to rest.
And, as Americans, we don't support leaders who lie, whether well-intentioned or not. All lies are designed to do one thing and that's to protect the perpetrator from admitting a truth that puts him/her in a bad light.
We're Americans, and we support individuality and determination. We support unyielding loyalty to the proposition that our children deserve to live in a better world than we grew up in, and we support unyielding commitment to the right of a person't dreams and goals. We honor those who die in pursuit of saving another or upholding the laws our Constitution has birthed. We support the helpless and the hopeless and believe in giving a second chance to anyone who's willing to change and grow.
I'm an American. I believe I live in the greatest nation on earth. But I also believe we've lost our way and are allowing deranged leaders to push our nation into abandoning the Constitution in the name of power for power's sake. Never has my country looked so much like the old Soviet Union and its totalitarian rule than it does today!
What are we going to do about it?