Merry F*^#+@" Christmas!

Well, it's here again. Christmas and all its jing-jing-a-ling, cash-register Christianity taxing the patience and morale of most of us poor veterans of holiday wars.

Does it never end? No, never! Deluged by commercial messages, deluded by flashing lights and glittery babes in skimpy skirts snuggling close to some fat guy in a red suit. Aaaaargh!

My ass hurts and my back aches, but neither agony nor bad credit shall avert me from my appointed rounds to further ruin my financial standing by purchasing overpriced gizmos for ungrateful cretins who, generally, would rather I give them a wad of cash so they could buy that new high-definition TV they've been coveting for a year now.

And let's face it. Who really gets what they actually WANT for Christmas? No one I know, that's for sure. Except maybe my girlfriend who, if I could, would receive the head of John the Baptist on a silver platter if she wanted it and I were able to provide it. But who else? Not me! That's for sure!

So happy horseshit holidays everyone. May your bells get jingled and your yule logs burn brightly, and may you get a raise this year that approaches the cost of living. HIDEEHO!